


A Book Of Poems for the Broken

by imafatbottom



Category: No Fandom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:20:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24779047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imafatbottom/pseuds/imafatbottom
Summary: This is a book of poems that I wrote in dark places, please be careful when reading as there are some chapters depicting my past.





	1. Dad

**Author's Note:**

> To Those who need it,
> 
> You are loved, you’re friends love you, your family, those you choose to be your family love you. Read this book and know that you’re not a failure, you’re more than the ones that hate you say you are. You are everything your friends say you are.
> 
> You, reading this, right now. You are loved. If you bought this or borrowed this book please know that I love you. Read this and see that you and I are but two peas in a pod, two fishes in a large sea.
> 
> You and I are strangers destined to be connected, by one, two or all the poems I have written in this book. Not all of them will touch you like they did me but one will. And that’s all it takes. Is one word, one sentence and one tear.
> 
> If you are reading this then please don’t do what the bullies at school, work or online say, they don’t know you like your friends do.

Dad I want to know you,  
Like why you stopped calling  
Why you stopped being in the life you created  
Because even as a baby I was hurt  
I blamed myself  
I blamed myself for the bullying you should have stopped  
I blamed myself for the old men trying to flirt with me because you weren’t there to protect me  
I blamed myself when I had to run away from the arguing that wouldn’t be there had you stayed  
I blame myself for you leaving.

I was three  
I was still in diapers  
I still needed to sleep with my mom  
Because you lacked the empathy and the love I needed to live  
I still blame myself.

I was in third grade when my teacher asked why my fathers day gifts said uncle  
I didn’t know how to tell her that I didn’t have you  
I didn’t say anything but I crossed out the uncle and wrote dad.  
Only to be caught throwing them out by bullies  
They pushed and shoved because they knew you weren’t there to protect me  
So I stayed in the library, with the nerds and teachers

Dad I want to tell you that I’m fine  
I want to tell you that I have lots of friends  
And I want to tell you that I forgive you  
But I can’t

Because I’m lying.  
I’m not fine  
I have maybe four friends but I will never forgive you  
Because you chose momentary happiness over a lifetime of smiles.

Dad did you know I’m close to being legally blind?  
You didn’t, because you chose to leave.  
It’s your fault, not mine.  
When I used to look in the mirror I would see nothing but regret.  
Someone who wanted nothing but to say ‘I’m sorry’.  
To someone who never payed for child support  
Never celebrated my sixteenth, or my eighteenth.  
He didn’t teach me how to overcome bullies.  
He never once in my life spent more than an hour on the phone with me.

My dad wasn’t there when I submitted myself into the hospital.  
When the only person to visit everyday was my grandfather  
He's my father figure.

I’m done with therapists and counsellors saying I just need a father figure when my idea of that is covered in nothing but hate.  
Kind words screamed with rage.  
Words of advice taught with fists.

Dad I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and say that you can apologize.  
Apologize for making your mother send a message to my brother, asking for another chance with your children.  
Not to my mom.  
I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt that you were just over your head.  
Three kids and an addiction is a lot to tackle I know.  
But you took the action to leave, to abandon us.

I promise you that this poem is nonfiction  
It’s a depiction of my sadness and anger  
Writing this has caused a friction in my mind to do more.  
Look for the person who made my life hell.


	2. Mom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for my mom, she hasn't read it because I can't read it without crying
> 
> WARNINGS;  
> Talk of bullying, homo/transphobia

Please open your arms to me mom,  
Just once more, I promise I had a reason to leave.  
Your arms make me feel at home,  
But now everything just feels cold,  
But like a crow I had to fly away  
Because the home I grew from turned to shit  
Believe me when I tell you I never got hit  
Never with hands but those words were enough,

I’m sorry mom, the busted lip and the black eye weren't from a fall,  
But the kids and their rubber balls,  
I know you know I lied but you never asked why.  
I didn’t want to worry you,  
Because when I told the truth  
I was hurt by the other youth.

Mom don’t worry the lack of smiles is just from the stress  
Not from the voices in my head.  
It’s just a phase I promise  
Mom I’m not depressed  
The meds make me feel dead, but if it makes you smile and the voices disappear I’ll take them.  
Who I am is not a phase, but I can feel the whole world against me.  
Mom I still love you, though the one you chose to love more does not love me.  
Even though I’m gone I’m still your son.  
Mom I love you but I’m your son!

Mom call me back, i miss your hugs.  
I miss when you would read me to bed,  
I miss the kiss on the forehead before you left for the day  
Mom don’t be coy I know you miss me too  
I’m just not your little girl anymore.  
I love you mom, but reality hit me like a bat  
When you threw in the hat,  
When you let me leave effortlessly,  
Mom I’m still your baby,  
I’m just a little more grown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To Those who need it,
> 
> You are loved, you’re friends love you, your family, those you choose to be your family love you. Read this book and know that you’re not a failure, you’re more than the ones that hate you say you are. You are everything your friends say you are.
> 
> You, reading this, right now. You are loved. If you bought this or borrowed this book please know that I love you. Read this and see that you and I are but two peas in a pod, two fishes in a large sea.
> 
> You and I are strangers destined to be connected, by one, two or all the poems I have written in this book. Not all of them will touch you like they did me but one will. And that’s all it takes. Is one word, one sentence and one tear.
> 
> If you are reading this then please don’t do what the bullies at school, work or online say, they don’t know you like your friends do.


End file.
